A New Start

A few days ago I had an epiphany about my long, long struggle with my weight:

Everything counts.

Actually, I've had this epiphany before, just about eight years ago. I was 14 and I was getting ready for school. I made myself my usual second breakfast which consisted, on this day, of four sweet chilli crispy chicken tenders. 

I'd been overweight for at least two years and although I understood nutrition pretty well, I wasn't able to put it into practice. I had this idea in my head that anything I ate in the morning was fine as long as I didn't eat for the rest of the day. Of course, I ate plenty for the rest of the day, but what would it matter if I didn't? I still ate highly processed, saturated fatty chicken strips from Ingham's for breakfast. 

No matter how little or how big, absolutely everything counts. You can eat entirely clean, raw whole foods for a whole day and still fuck it up with half a can of Coca-Cola. 

I've never been scrawny. I was thin once, for maybe two years. I ate like a rabbit and was working out regularly(sometimes 5 days a week, which seems pathetic, yes, but you clearly have no idea how much of my life is spent on my ass). 

I've got some problems with food that have only worsened over time; especially now that I drive and live alone. I am an adult. I can eat whatever I want, when I want and I do just that. I've eaten a lot of Mcdonald's chicken and cheese burgers in the past few months. 

I am constantly starting tomorrow. But now I am starting today. I've already started adopting a mostly raw vegan diet that includes some salmon. With my new epiphany, I don't think I am going to have too much trouble with my diet for the time being.

However, I've decided I also want to build up my endurance. I don't want to be a pathetic bitch who jogs on the treadmill for 20 minutes and then uses the elliptical for an hour. And I want to start working out consistently ... perhaps even obsessively. Five days a week. Exercise needs to become an important part of my life. I need to understand what it feels like to be proud of my body.

I haven't felt this motivated in 8 years ... and this time I am going to do it right. I am going to make permanent, healthy changes.